Comedy Corner: Men and their blades

About 10 years ago, there was an advertisement on TV for the then-new Gillette Mach3 razorblade. It showed a beefed-out guy shaving his face, wearing nothing but a towel, while admiring himself in the bathroom mirror, just as a jet fighter plane flew overhead and a supermodel ran into the room and touched his face.
Basically, the commercial said, “You too can have a jacked-up bod and fly real fast and get the supermodel of your dreams. If you use the new three-bladed razor.”
So, me being me, I went out and bought the new razor. After all, who doesn’t want to Mach out at high speeds with a supermodel?
And they were pretty much right. Well, not about having the supermodel. But it was the best shave I had ever experienced. I still use them to this day.
OK, to my point: I walked into CVS the other evening and discovered that they now make a five-bladed razor. So I threw down a chunk of change and walked out of the store with my shiny, new, Lexus-version five-bladed wonder toy.
Well, after I picked up the remaining part of my face out of the shower drain, I thought, “Oh, good, dermabrasion! No more wrinkles!”
Uh, you know that space between your nostril and your upper lip? I no longer have one.
Really, I could not get the razor to fit properly in that space, and now I have upper-lip nose hairs sticking out, and I look like a walrus.
So I think technology has reached its limit when it comes to shaving. I am back using my trusty three-bladed razor, and you know what? The rash burn has gone away, and I now sport a brand-new goatee.
Hey, less to shave that way — but, alas, the supermodel has not shown up yet. Oh well, maybe when the six-bladed razor comes out.
Never!
Michael Larson is a 14-year resident of Felton and an aspiring comedy writer. He lives with his dog Blue. Contact him at mi***************@ya***.com.