This world is like nothing we’ve seen before and hopefully nothing we will ever see again. No one has gone unscathed: loss, fear, anger, exhaustion, grief, loneliness, disbelief. If you were teetering on the edge of mental and emotional stability, you may feel like everything is crumbling. You may feel like you are crumbling.
I’d like to introduce you to a word that has served me well over the past five years. It’s been there through periods of depression, toddler tantrums, a potential life-altering diagnosis, and family trauma. It wasn’t until I started paying closer attention to my subconscious thoughts that I realized it was there.
The word is “okay”. Now let me explain.
The first time I want you to use this word is when you need to take a minute to pause and regroup. “Okay, let me process this.” “Okay, mom timeout.” “Okay, this is really heavy.” You need a minute to let intense feelings catch up to you. When you try to outrun these “big feelings”, they just build taller and wider. Our bodies are so smart and will eventually force us to stop if we don’t choose it ourselves.
The next time I want you to use the word is when it’s time to move into acceptance. You can even visualize throwing your arms up in the air. This “okay” feels like a release and it’s usually on an exhale as a means of letting go. You’ve worked through the feelings and accept what life has thrown your way (even if you don’t like it). It’s the only way forward as resisting is exhausting and takes too much energy.
The final “okay” is a battle cry. It’s a conscious choice to have a fighting spirit, a spirit of resilience. It doesn’t mean you’re not weary. It just means you refuse to give up. This “okay” means you resolve to figure things out and take the next step in the right direction. In a world where it would be easy to crumble, say “okay” and choose resilience.
I’d like to leave you with words by Edmund Vance Cooke. Part of an assignment in high school was to memorize a poem and present it in front of our classmates. This was the one I chose and it’s no wonder that it has recently resurfaced for me.
Did you tackle that trouble that came your way
With a resolute heart and cheerful?
Or hide your face from the light of day
With a craven soul and fearful?
Oh, a trouble’s a ton, or a trouble’s an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it,
And it isn’t the fact that you’re hurt that counts,
But only how did you take it?
You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what’s that?
Come up with a smiling face.
It’s nothing against you to fall down flat,
But to lie there — that’s disgrace.
The harder you’re thrown, why the higher you bounce;
Be proud of your blackened eye!
It isn’t the fact that you’re licked that counts,
It’s how did you fight — and why?
Laurie Ann, RN is a leader in transformation for defeated and depleted moms and the founder of The Fulfilled Mama Method. Her next 5-Day Workshop runs in October. You can find out more by emailing her at la****@*********rn.com or joining her private Facebook group Simple Shifts in Motherhood.
