For filmmaker Janaé Ballot, telling her own story was never supposed to be easy—but she didn’t expect her story to take on the twists and turns of tragedy.
Born in Santa Cruz, raised in Scotts Valley and rooted in a Bay Area family that has lived in San Jose for four generations, Ballot’s sense of place runs deep. Those hometown landscapes—and the people within them—have quietly shaped her creative life, forming the emotional backbone of her debut feature film, “Dissociated Me,” a comedy-drama based on true events.
“The Bay Area has always been a major creative touchstone for me,” Ballot said. “Even places like Fremont, where I lived for a time, influenced how I see the world. This film really speaks to how hometowns shape who we become.”
“Dissociated Me” began with what sounded like a simple suggestion from Ballot’s friend and collaborator, editor-producer Elísabet Ronaldsdóttir, known for “John Wick,” “Deadpool 2” and “The Fall Guy.”
“Why don’t you make a movie about your life?” Ronaldsdóttir asked.
What followed was anything but simple.
As Ballot attempted to write the screenplay, the process of revisiting her past triggered intense flashbacks and dissociative episodes. Though she had extensive experience developing true stories for film, she couldn’t complete a first draft.
“Everything was too hard to relive,” Ballot said. “I felt stuck in my own trauma, like I was failing myself.”
That frustration sparked a turning point.
Rather than waiting for the script to come together, Ballot began filming without one, working from outlines and improvised scenes alongside a cast willing to embrace uncertainty. Ronaldsdóttir joined not only as a producer, but also appears in the film herself. The project became less about documenting memory and more about discovering truth in real time.
Then reality intervened, and the girl was interrupted.
On the eve of a shoot, Ballot was crossing the street when she was struck by a car traveling 35 mph. She was rushed to the trauma unit, injured and concussed, suddenly living a new chapter of trauma while trying to process old ones.
“If my life weren’t ironic,” Ballot said, “it would just be true.”
Collaborator Matthew Monelli recorded Ballot in the hospital; footage Ballot initially believed would never be used, but when she reviewed it later, the film revealed itself.
“I realized the movie I was trying to make about my life was unfolding in front of me,” she said. “That moment became the turning point; I was focusing on healing instead of trying to fully explain the past.”
Midway through production, the film transformed. What began as a loose biopic evolved into something raw, satirical and deeply personal. The script was finally completed after the accident, and filming continued despite lingering injuries. The entire process would span three years, marked by fear, resilience and what Ballot describes as “tons of miracles.”
Filming lasted two years, followed by more than a year of post-production. The film was completed just months ago and is now preparing for its festival run, with submissions to Slamdance, SXSW, Tribeca, RIFF and more.
Early industry reactions have been strong, and the film has already sparked press interest, including coverage by The Signal in Southern California’s Santa Clarita Valley, Santa Cruz Good Times and the RISK! podcast. Yet, Ballot said the most meaningful responses come quietly, after screenings, when viewers begin sharing their own stories.
“That’s why I wanted to make this film,” she said. “To create a space where people feel seen enough to open up.”
Rather than offering tidy resolutions, “Dissociated Me” invites audiences to take a different approach to living. One of the film’s most resonant lines comes from Ballot’s sister, Savannah Ballot, who says, “Sit in the discomfort of your life.”
The film explores themes of grief, ambition, disconnection and belonging—allowing audiences to project their own experiences onto the story.
“This time,” Ballot said, “people can escape into a film and hopefully see a reflection of themselves.”
As Ballot prepares to share “Dissociated Me” with wider audiences, her connection to Scotts Valley and the Bay Area remains central.
“Scotts Valley will always hold a special place in my heart,” she said. “I love talking about adapting your story while you’re still living it, and about how the places we come from shape our creative voices.”
More than a film about trauma, “Dissociated Me” is an act of persistence—proof that sometimes the most honest stories aren’t written first. They are lived, interrupted and discovered along the way.
“If you have something you must do,” Ballot said, “challenge yourself to finish it. Even when it’s scary. Grace will follow.”
