On a chilly Monday evening over a dozen people gather at a small venue in Boulder Creek. What brings this eclectic group of people together is a unique desire to educate themselves on what happens at the end of life.
For many, the notion of attending a “Death Cafe” sounds morbid, but in fact it is anything but. It is a scheduled non-profit get-together with a purpose to normalize the conversation about death.
This is Janet Coit and Linda Mastrangelo’s fourth time hosting a “Death Cafe” in Boulder Creek, and attendance has nothing but grown. Coit is a certified funeral celebrant and Mastrangelo is a licensed family and marriage therapist.
The concept for a “Death Cafe” originates from the idea of Swiss sociologist and anthropologist Bernard Crettaz, explains Coit. A “Death Cafe” can be hosted at someone’s house or other temporary venue with the objective to help people make the most of their finite lives. Individuals can discuss their understanding, thoughts, dreams, fears and all other areas of death and dying at these events.
“Why we do the work we do is because death is such a taboo subject in our society,” Mastrangelo said. “Part of what we do is to normalize it. Death is just part of life.”
The event starts with a group of participants sitting in a circle with one or two facilitators who help lead the discussion. Questions are aimed to touch on ideas of how a death or deaths shape an individual’s life, how people want to be remembered after they die and how can a person best support a friend who is dealing with death.
“The idea is to create an open conversation and let it happen organically,” said Coit.
Indeed, throughout the two-hour discussion on Monday night the group of participants were both laughing and crying as memories and stories were shared. Participants could speak open and freely in a confidential closed space. Tea and cake were served, an essential part to an “Death Café” according to Coit.
Some people expressed the desire to attend the “Death Cafe” because they were curious about the event, others wanted to start being proactive preparing for death, Participant Elli Rea, of Boulder Creek, decided to attend after she had a series of near panic attacks related to an underline “fear” of dying.
“I am relieved to have a place to talk about it,” Rea said. “It helped for whatever reason. I was surprised how many people showed up and how comfortable people were talking about it. I think talking about difficult subjects is good for people, it develops bonds of a different nature.”
According to Coit and Mastrangelo, the hope is to continue to host a “Death Café” in Boulder Creek about once every three months. The event on Monday was co-sponsored by the Valley Women’s Club and the Boulder Creek Independent Order of Odd Fellows.
For more information on Death Cafes visit www.deathcafes.com.
