Comedy Corner: Another look at the Laundry Mat

What does that mean? I understand “laundry,” don’t get me wrong, but “mat”? Where does “mat” come from? So I Google’d it.
“Laundromat” was coined in the 1950s by analogy with “automat”— an automated self-service restaurant — to label an automated self-service laundry. People unaware of this history often mistakenly deconstruct the word into “laundro mat” or “laundry mat.”
This comes from the book “Common Errors in the English Language.”
I think we need to change “Laundromat” to “pay-to-break-your-own-back-mat.” Or “man!-that-was-my-favorite-sweater-now-in-shreds-mat.” Or “hey-those-are-my-clothes-and-they-are-not-dry-yet-so-put-them-back-mat.”
Not to get this confused with my good friend, Matt.
Has anyone ever washed your whites and they came out a nasty-looking yellow? I wash everything in hot, hot water to kill any living organism I may pick up there. I also dump in a lot of fabric softener to kill any new smells that may cling to my newly washed threads. Yep! Been there, done that at the mat.
I have often been privileged throughout my life to have access to my own washer and dryer. But there have been times when I have not, and I have had to go to my beloved corner Laundromat. A place where “you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.”
Sorry for the Obi-Wan Kenobi quote. But I really have seen light sabers raised over who’s first at the dryers. It’s true, especially at night: “I thought I smelled your foul stench” is what comes to mind.
So, I am sitting there one Saturday afternoon, because really I have nothing better to do than to read a book and watch my underwear spin in circles, when I take notice of a lady with five kids coming in. She’s carrying bags and bags of wet laundry and begins to take over every last dryer. The looks she got were priceless. It caused a backup with everyone else in the place. Those who were finishing their wash cycles had to wait until hers were done, hours later.
The other day, I was using the automat (said in an English accent) to wash my bed comforter, because it’s so big and because I need a lot of comfort, and it will not fit into my washer and dryer. As I was sitting there reading my book and watching it spin, I realized I was the only one in there. It was like the apocalypse or something. It spooked me.
When I got all done and was leaving, I noticed a sign on the front door stating: “No hot water today, boiler broke.” OMG! I washed everything in cold water!
Michael Larson is a 14-year resident of Felton and an aspiring comedy writer. He lives with his dog Blue. Contact him at mi***************@ya***.com and visit his blog, comedycornermikelarson.blogspot.com.