Comedy Corner: Jamie Lee and clean colons

Basically, ever since I saw her in the movie “Halloween” in the 1970s, I have had a lifelong crush on Jamie Lee Curtis.
OK, OK, to tell you the truth, I never could bring myself to watch that particular movie until I was way into my 30s. But my crush on her grew with every movie she was in after that, and most particularly the flick in 1994 called “True Lies,” in which she appeared with our governator.
So, when I saw her make her commercial about the yogurt Activia, I thought to myself, “Self, I’ll have to try that crap.”
Little did I know that the word “crap” would come back to haunt me — and my dog.
See, my dog, Blue, has always loved yogurt, cheese and ice cream. So every time I have a little dairy, he gets some. Neither of us is lactose intolerant, so I never gave it a thought that this particular yogurt would be any different from the rest we have tried.
What I am trying to say here is that they need to put a very strong warning label on Activia, and it needs to read like this: “Never ever (did I say never?) give this to your dog.”
Never.
Put it this way: Not only did it clean out me and my colon, but it cleaned out the colon of my beloved pooch as well, and it kept on cleaning and cleaning and cleaning.
It started at 3 a.m. and lasted until the following night. In fact, our colons were so well timed that as soon as I got the call, we both looked at each other and we ran for the toilet — him to the outside grass, and me to the bathroom. The potty dance (as I like to refer to it) for both our colons were in perfect synchronization.
Needless to say, my crush on Jamie Lee has been tarnished. I now see her happy, bubbly eat-this-yogurt commercial with disdain and suspicion. And I don’t think I really like her gray hair — humbug.
Michael Larson is a 14-year resident of Felton and an aspiring comedy writer. He lives with his dog, Blue, and is working to complete his Bachelor of Arts at Bethany University in addiction studies.