Editor’s Notebook: Counseling before marriage isn’t a bad idea

Heather and I have been participating in premarital counseling in preparation of our marriage. For the sake of full disclosure, I’ll throw confidentiality to the wind. Let me tell you about Heather’s —
Just kidding.
I will explain about counseling. My brain (and my parents) told me we needed the work before we tie the knot. But my heart was busy screaming, “You’re in love. Who needs to be counseled?”
Guys and gals, I recommend the counseling. You will learn things about your partner that probably never crossed your mind. If your future wife is anything like mine, she will say things that she simply assumes you know that you probably don’t. Like what she expects life to be like. And, guys, her expectations probably are bigger than ours.
I’ve heard from some friends that the first year of marriage can be the hardest. I think it’s because when two people come together, they have certain expectations about what life together is. When the rubber meets the road and expectation doesn’t meet reality, then you run into problems.
Please don’t take this as amateur psychology, because my dad, a licensed clinical psychologist, would kill me. However, I think guys sometimes figure our marriage will be like a continuation of our dating relationship. The logic from a guy’s perspective: Since we’re in love now, why change anything?
It’s bad logic. This being my first (and last) time, I don’t know exactly what to expect, but with a little help from counseling, I can see that being hitched means that our relationship will change.
For example, Heather might not actually like my Saturday morning routine, and I might dislike the laundry detergent she uses. Or Heather might like watching the Giants play the Dodgers, and I might prefer a Hallmark movie. Who knows!
n Editor Peter Burke is getting married in May. Until then, he is writing about preparing for the big day from a guy’s perspective. He can be reached at

pe***@pr*********.com











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