Visiting family during the holidays can be less stressful

Just in case visiting family during the holidays feels more like going to the dentist than “Joy to the World,” let me tell you how I handled this reality in my own life.
I decided to volunteer.
Let’s face it, not every family visit is functional. Why not take some of that time to feed the hungry or join a local nonprofit group that helps others during the holidays?
Volunteering my services during Christmas limited the amount of face-to-face time I spent with my family.
As controlling as my mother could be, she understood the importance of helping others less fortunate than we were.
I had a higher purpose, and our time together involved less friction — simply, I think, because we didn’t subject ourselves to overexposure.
My epiphany came a few years later.
After volunteering with feed-the-needy programs and Christmas caroling, I realized I had a higher level of patience and tolerance for others than I did for my immediate family. I had adopted an attitude of “being of service.”
If I could be of service to strangers, I wondered, could I not adapt the same principle to my own family?
So I decided to change my attitude. Before I visited my family, I would make up my mind to treat them as I was treating those strangers I had volunteered to help.  I would be of service to my family — especially Mom.
I remember my very first visit with this new insight. I always brought treats that I knew Mom and the family would appreciate and decided I would see how I could help them.
I must say, things between us shifted.
I was no longer looking for the friction between us; I was just present and in the moment.  I began to see her like those strangers I volunteered for. They were just people, in need of unconditional love.
I won’t lie and tell you all my family problems were solved. But I can tell you that being of service to your loved ones creates a powerful shift.
Please note that if your family system is clearly harmful to your spirit or physical well-being, I am not suggesting that you put yourself into harm’s way. I am speaking to those of us who know deep down inside that having a new perspective on our families could make a difference.
Personally, I found that I stressed less before I left the house to visit them, during our visit and afterward, too. Give it a try and you will know what I mean.
– Janet Janssen lives in Felton and is a life coach and certified hypnotherapist. She offers free webinars and workshops about stress release and mind clutter for individuals and small businesses. She can be reached at 335-0553 or

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