This last winter’s great storm took its toll on my life as it once had been. My beloved Hubby Norman passed from this life during the height of this storm, leaving me bereft and full of doubts. “How could I have let this happen, how could I have let him leave me”? Those words kept repeating over and over in my mind.
Along with this terrible sadness came the howling wind; redwood limbs from the trees above my house came crashing down, taking tables and chairs in its wake, depositing limbs through the roof of my garage and taking out sections of my fence along the road.
Trying to keep my sanity while surveying the damage, I came across the broken rope of our children’s swing, its seat dangling by one rope from the tree branch. This was too much…years of our children’s laughter as they swung higher and higher came into my mind as I stared at the swing’s seat swaying back and forth in the wind. How could such a simple thing as a child’s swing create such havoc in my mind. Memories of our grandchildren being pushed by their parents, laughing and squealing as their moms and dads had done oh so many years before, raced through my mind.
From my kitchen’s window through eyes filled with tears, I have looked at that dangling swing seat for these last terribly sad months. Today my life is akin to that seat… broken, no longer whole without my Hubby Norman at its helm.
A few weeks ago I decided that it was time for me to cut down that rope, getting rid of the swing seat along with its sad memories that it brought. Armed with a ladder and a knife, a few minutes later, nothing remained…the rope and seat were now tossed into the big blue bin…out of sight, out of mind. More tears flowed.
During these last five months I have received countless expressions of advice on how to go forward without my Hubby, from ‘don’t do anything for at least a year’ to ‘take your time, this will get better’, and the most poignant…’you have your memories of forty-three wonderful years together’. Words of encouragement, flowers, cards, and food arrived from every direction. Dear people who have read this column have called, emailed me and sent cards and letters of sympathy.
Those first hurt-filled days of my Hubby’s absence were a blur, days I want to forget; those days could not pass fast enough for me.
After all, hadn’t those well-meaning people told me ‘life will get easier, however it would take time.’
On a Monday evening there were more tears as I hauled out the bin that held the discarded swing’s seat and rope and left it by the side of the road. “There,” I thought, as I climbed into bed, “those sad memories would be hauled off along with the seat.”
However at three o’clock a.m., barefooted and in my nightgown, I hauled the bin with the swing’s seat in it, back to my yard. What was I thinking!
Since then, the swing’s seat has undergone a new coat of varnish and a stronger rope. Instead of my Hubby, Neighbor Mike hung the swing from the tree branch. The swing now waits to make new memories to blend in with the old. Some mornings I take my cup of coffee down the path to the tree and sitting on that swing’s seat, I am sure I can hear the squealing of happy children, all the while remembering my Hubby Norm’s dear face.
Today I am grateful for the well-meaning advice of each of those kind people who do understand and know that time does soften sadness and that it is OK to shed tears. I read somewhere that ‘tears are simply words that are waiting to be written.’ I like believing this.
By the way, if you and your children are in my neighborhood and happen to notice our ‘swing’, feel free to stop and swing and make new memories of your own.
In large bowl, beat until smooth and creamy:
1 ½ cups butter at room temperature
2 cups gran. Sugar
1 Tbsp. grated orange peel
2 tsp. vanilla
In medium bowl sift together:
3 ¼ cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
¼ tsp salt
Add to butter mixture above, beating until mixture comes together (about 5-6 minute) or until mixture becomes a smooth and homogenous mass.
Stir in:
1 ½ cups dried cherries or dried cranberries
1 ½ cups sweetened and flaked dried coconut
Chill dough 1 hour and then shape into 1 in. balls and place 2 inches apart on a baking sheet lined with parchment or a Silpat mat.
Chill ½ hour and then bake on middle rack at 350 deg. 9 min. for a chewy cookie or 11 min. for crispy ones. ENJOY!
