We’ve all been there—you know someone is going through a hard time, and you want to help, but you’re not sure what to do or say. You don’t want to make it worse. You don’t want to overstep. So sometimes, we do nothing. We wait for them to reach out. We tell ourselves they’ll let us know if they need something.
But here’s the thing: people who are struggling often go quiet. They don’t reach out. Not because they don’t need support, but because asking for it feels like too much.
At TherapyWorks, we talk with people every day who are navigating hard seasons, and one of the most common things we hear from their loved ones is, “I didn’t know what to do or what to say.” You don’t have to have the perfect words. You don’t need to fix anything. You just have to show up. Here are some simple ways to do just that:
Start with a text
A simple, low-pressure message can mean more than you know. You don’t need to reference what they’re going through or ask probing questions. Try something like:
“Hey, just thinking about you. No need to respond if you’re not up for it—just wanted you to know I’m here.”
Or: “I know things have felt hard lately. Whenever you want to talk, grab food or just sit in silence—I’m in.”
Check in more than once
One text is a great start. Checking in consistently over days and weeks is what actually makes a difference. It tells someone: I haven’t forgotten about you. I’m not going anywhere. If staying consistent is hard to remember, set a reminder on your phone. There’s no shame in that. It’s just showing you care through your actions and consistency.
Encourage therapy in a natural way
Suggesting therapy can feel awkward, but it doesn’t have to be a big moment. You might say: “Have you ever thought about talking to someone? I can help you look up options if that feels overwhelming.”
Share your own experience
If you’ve ever seen a therapist, gone through a hard season, or leaned on support of any kind, say so. Normalizing mental health care removes stigma and reminds the people around us that struggling doesn’t mean something is wrong with them. It means they’re human.
Make plans that don’t require them to perform
Inviting someone to a party or a big social event when they’re barely keeping it together can feel like pressure. Instead, try something low-key like a walk, a drive or watching a show together. Something where just showing up is enough.
Ask what kind of support they need
This one is simple and underused: “Do you want to vent, or would you rather I just distract you?”
People don’t always want advice. Sometimes they want to be heard. Sometimes they want to laugh and forget about it for an hour. Asking takes the guesswork out of it.
Know when to be more direct
If you’re genuinely worried about someone’s safety, it’s OK to ask directly: “I’ve been worried about you. Are you having any thoughts of hurting yourself?”
Many people hesitate to ask this question, fearing it will plant an idea. Research consistently shows that’s not how it works. Asking opens a door that someone may desperately need opened. If they say yes, take it seriously. Help them contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or offer to go with them to get help.
Take care of yourself, too
Supporting someone through a mental health struggle is meaningful work—and it’s heavy. You’re allowed to have feelings about it. You’re allowed to need support too. Showing up for others is easier when someone is showing up for you.
Mental health challenges are more common than most of us realize, and the people experiencing them are often the ones we least expect. The good news is that support doesn’t have to be complicated. It just requires showing up.
Maaliea Wilbur, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, is Founder and CEO of TherapyWorks. For more information, visit mytherapyworks.com.
